When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have fence marks all over my body
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
