I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
