R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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