i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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