if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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