Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
