I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
