At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
