spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
