when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize