How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
