I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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