I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
