I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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