Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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