i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
