I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
