so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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