He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fill condoms, not promises.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
