whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
