I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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