she woke up with a sticky ear
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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