i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
