Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
