I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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