Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
