found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
