we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
