my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
