Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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