she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
