Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Pooping to opera.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
