I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
