but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
