Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
