I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sext me about skeletons
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
