butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
