there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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