Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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