Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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