sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
