just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
