i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
