The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
