haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
