is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
