Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize