my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
