mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
