I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
