Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
