all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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