how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
