FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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