im drinking this country out of the recession.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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