I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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