i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
