He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
