is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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