Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
