youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
