Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
