You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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