You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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