My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
