is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
