I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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