tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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