I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
