well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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