I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
