Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
