we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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