your thong is hanging out like whoa
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My dick has a subreddit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
