clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
