Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
