just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
