It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
