I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
