Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
